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August 19th, 2008
12:17 am - Welcome to the warrenellis.com blogfeed
CuddlyPyramidHed (12:03:22 AM): lol ellis
I AM TIRED OF PAINTING OTHER PEOPLE'S HOUSES, I AM GOING BACK TO CREATOR-OWNED WORK
*writes corporate superhero comics exclusively, delegates the actual writing on creator-owned material to Mike Wolfer*
*cannot get 4 consecutive issues out on a monthly schedule*
*makes 50 twitter posts about red bull*
Mr Ill Intent (12:07:12 AM): And his graphic novella is still not out.
Mr Ill Intent (12:07:18 AM): It's fucking ridiculous.
CuddlyPyramidHed (12:07:29 AM): which one is that?
CuddlyPyramidHed (12:07:44 AM): i lose track of all his delayed/failed projects
Mr Ill Intent (12:07:58 AM): Shit, let me check...
Mr Ill Intent (12:09:04 AM): Aetheric Mechanics.
CuddlyPyramidHed (12:09:11 AM): oh yeah, that one
Mr Ill Intent (12:09:21 AM): COMING JULY '08
CuddlyPyramidHed (12:09:28 AM): avatar is generally shit with shipping anyway
*takes over a year to write 7 issue miniseries*
*takes 6 months per issue of wolfskin*
*cannot think of an actual ending for black gas, settles on "ROCKS FALL, EVERYBODY DIES"*
"Hmm, I could actually get around to finishing the second arc of desolation jones- OH SHIT, VIDEO OF BEN TEMPLESMITH GHOSTRIDING THE WHIP I GOTTA POST A LINK TO THIS"
MEANWHILE: "hey Christos, it's Axel Alonso, can you write 3 more fill-in one shots? Warren needs a few months to finish chapter 4 of 6 on the latest astonishing x-men arc."
Mr Ill Intent (12:12:54 AM): Heh.
@mattfraction: YOU THINK YOU'RE SO FUCKING SPECIAL BECAUSE UNCANNY COMES OUT MONTHLY GRARGH RED BULLLL #
@mattfraction: you wankstain i hope your scrotum is eaten by these nanotech-infected pigeons i bought off corey doctorow at xeni jardin's latest postmodern erotic body modification cabaret #
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August 21st, 2007
August 13th, 2007
11:13 am - a serious question
So I'm watching footage for a Throwdown! episode on ice cream sundaes, and so far at least 2 kids have said that their favorite topping for a sundae is pouring Mountain Dew on top of the ice cream.
MOUNTAIN DEW. WHAT THE FUCK.
Is this some kind of new trend that became popular around the same time as Fallout Boy, or did I seriously miss the fact that apparently there's an actual population of people dumping Mountain Dew on ice cream for the first 23 years of my life?
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July 22nd, 2007
01:33 am - "I've got a fever and the only prescription is MORE HANDCLAPS"
So, I decided that I was going to listen to Linkin Park’s Minutes to Midnight in its entirety and write down my reaction to each song as I listened to them. After their last two albums and their brilliant collaboration with Jay-Z, I’m sure that the latest example of their unparalleled musicianship and lyrical prowess will surely yield an Album of the Year contender. Let’s start up and see!
( Read more... )
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June 25th, 2007
09:45 pm - Big Apple Con shopping list
So, Sunday I went to the Big Apple con, where I was supposed to meet Alex and Marian. Alex never showed up, and Marian was so late that she missed Rowdy Roddy Piper, but I at least came away happy. I obtained the following items for the following amount of money:
( Only nerds will care about this... )
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May 18th, 2007
01:15 am - The definition of irony
On his blog, Warren Ellis rants about "HOLLYWOOD SELLOUT PILES OF WALKING WOMBSHIT." One post later, he announces that he has written a Tomb Raider animation to celebrate the 10th anniversary of the series.
Am I the only one who sees the humor in this?
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May 16th, 2007
01:54 am - The start of something I probably shouldn't have enough free time to engage in
Next time somebody whines about Trent Reznor's lyrics being poorly written angsty crap, just show them a lyric sheet for Linkin Park's Minutes to Midnight. Jesus fucking christ, these songs are fucking hilarious*. It's like high school goth poetry set to baby's first metal band. This is seriously the worst percussion I've ever heard in my life. I'm 3 songs in and 2 songs have used hand claps as backing for the entire song.
*Upon further listening, I have to retract this statement. These songs are so fucking awful, these lyrics so far beyond "goth poetry," they can't even be enjoyed ironically. I mean, seriously, the last 4 tracks of this album are possibly the worst "rock" songs I've listened to all year, and I actually heard Fall Out Boy for the first time last weekend. I can't even enjoy this stuff when drunk, which at least the last 2 albums had going for them. There is almost no guitar in any tracks on this, and the only song on here that's even remotely catchy is "What I've Done." At least Meteora and their collaboration with Jay-Z produced some semi-catchy hooks to go with the laughable lyrics, this is like listening to a bunch of high school kids playing around with Garage Band for the first time.
Did Linkin Park really think that recording a 6 and a half minute long ballad about Hurricane Katrina was going to make people take them seriously? This is like the musical equivalent of Sam Loeb tribute issue of Superman/Batman. Truly, inescapably awful, yet utterly convinced of the sincerity of its hackneyed "emotional earnestness." I could go on forever about how truly awful on every level this album is, but I'm trying to limit myself to a focused and coherent introduction. I may actually do a track-by-track breakdown of this album if I have enough spare time and sufficient inclination. This is the most perversely fascinating musical trainwreck I've ever downloaded, and that includes that one song where the Insane Clown Posse revealed that they were actually born-again Christians.
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May 11th, 2007
12:24 am - SPIDER-MAN 3
Between the guyliner, the emo hair, the martini, and Harry making out with his fingers, one wonders why they don't just drop the pretense that this is about MJ and stick their tongues down each others' throats like we all know they want to.
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April 3rd, 2007
11:16 pm
Figured I'd post this for anybody who hadn't had a chance to get it yet.
Nine Inch Nails feat. Saul Williams - Survivalism_Opalheartclinic_Niggy_Tardust! (Escaped...
This is the Saul Williams take on the Tardusted remix of Survivalism, only available on the Euro 9" vinyl for Survivalism. Personally, I prefer Williams' take to the actual Tardusted remix. His vocals flow a lot better with the new beat, whereas Reznor's original vocal always feel subtly off to me against the new music. Anyway, enjoy.
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April 1st, 2007
12:14 am - In need of some help
Does anybody know where I can get an accurate, high-powered BB gun into NY or NJ? The mice in my room aren't going for any of the food in my traps, and one of them stuck it's head out from underneath my TV stand and glared at me for like 5 seconds. If I still had my Airsoft pictol, I might have been able to crush its skull, but I want something more accurate so that I can just shoot a hole through the fucking thing next time it pops up.
Any information on a good source for something I can use to kill these fucking vermin would be greatly appreciated.
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March 30th, 2007
11:41 pm - QUESADAAAAA
Q: ApacheDick 03-25-2007 06:29 AM
No, really, here's a new question (which I probably could have put in my last post had I thought of it sooner)... How do you, as the Head Quesadilla of Marvel, explain how dozens of villains were killed in the new Punisher War Journal #4, yet most all are back to life as if the issue never happened? And, more importantly, why is it the writer of said heavily screwed-up issue is rumored to be given the task of taking over the writing chores on Amazing Spider-Man after the curse of JMS is exorcised from it?
JQ: You know, ApacheDick, I would love to answer your question. But, when someone asks stuff in a rude fashion as you have by insulting creators, you couldn't possibly expect me to answer it right? Guess what, you're absolutely right, I'm not answering your question.
Now that should be read with a snarky tone.
HOW DARE HE INSULT HIS CUSTOMERS I AM BOYCOTTING MARVEL FOREVER!
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March 29th, 2007
11:27 pm - Help me put my pull list together
So, I'm finally taking the plunge and getting a pull list done up at my local comic book store, and I'm trying to figure out what essential titles I'm missing. If you know what I tend to like, help me out.
( current selections... )
Anyway, if you have any suggestions, let me know. I will be picking up Authority, Midnighter, Army@Love, New X-Men, and Batman on a month-by-month basis at this point, I'm buying Scalped in trades, and I'll be adding Black Summer once it comes out, but if you know any other essential titles, please leave them in comments.
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March 7th, 2007
11:49 pm - DAMN YOU QUESADA
( FANBOY TEARS SO SWEET )
Oh god comics fans. You know what's going to be hilarious? The threads started today on John Byrne's Angry Bitter Fanboy Faggot Convention I mean forum.
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February 22nd, 2007
01:43 am - Civil War #7 fallout, or nobody gives a shit about your favorite D-Lister, you pathetic fucking nerd
Now, what do you think when you read this: OH GOD THEY KILLED BLACK GOLIATH, OH GOD THEY KILLED THE GIBBON, OH GOD THEY PARALYZED JACK FLAG, OH GOD THEY KILLED THE CAT BURGLAR AND PRINCESS PYTHON AND ARMADILLO.
If you responded "Who?" you're absolutely right. These aren't even D-listers. These are the fucking Z-Listers of the Marvel universe. In the past few months, the faggot paradecomic community has rallied to the internet to declare these ATROCITIES evidence of comics being RUINED FOREVER by PEOPLE WHO HATE MARVEL ALMOST AS MUCH AS THEY HATE AMERICA. Warren Ellis, Matt Fraction, Mark Millar and Brian Michael Bendis among others have been cited as the worst thing to happen to comics ever. People have made hyperbolic declarations like "I've been reading Marvel since Amazing Fantasy #15, and Civil War #7 is the last Marvel comic I will ever buy in my life ever!" We've had comic store owners declare "I spent the entire day apologizing to everyone I sold this issue to!" We've been treated to countless "THIS IS HOW I WOULD WRITE CIVIL WAR IN KEEPING WITH RESPECTING THE RICH TAPESTRY OF THE MARVEL UNIVERSE HISTORY, I SHOULD BE EIC OF MARVEL" pitches on messageboards, all of which boil down to one of 3 things:
1. Mephisto possessed everyone into doing it.
2. Loki tricked everyone into doing.
3. It turns out everyone in the Marvel Universe was replaced by Skrulls.
Oh God, let's not forget that Joe Quesada referred to the comics community as the InterFRET. HOW DARE HE EXPRESS SUCH CONTEMPT FOR HIS CUSTOMERS I WILL BOYCOTT EVERYTHING MARVEL WRITES DAN SLOTT FOR EIC.
Ultimately, Civil War #7 was remarkably less awful than the preceding 2 issues of the series would have suggested. It contains some stupid shit like every issue has, and Millar's strength has never really been dialogue, but as a series of fight scenes, it's impressive enough, accentuated by McNiven's excellent artwork. The resolution itself naturally has people screaming and moaning about how it ruins comics forever, and I'll be the first to admit that I don't give a shit. It worked for me, but precisely because I've never cared about Captain America and never will, so I don't give a fuck about how he's characterized and how it fits with like 60 years of comics continuity.
(Except for that awesome story where he fought the "Demon Jap Vampire, Tojo," then taunted the slant-eyes that they should commit Hari-kiri now before him and Bucky personally conquered their devil Japanorientalasian country single-handedly with the help of THE US ARMY. That was fucking awesome. But he didn't particularly behave like a xenophobic jingoist in this issue, so he could very well have been out of characterOH GOD HE WAS. COMICS ARE RUINED FOREVER.)
What does Civil War mean to me in the end? I don't know, I guess about $21 that I spent on a series that I enjoyed parts of and disliked parts of. It got me into a few series I would never have read beforehand, Iron Man and Thunderbolts, and it told a dumb story with a shitload of fight scenes without miring itself in decades of alternate reality continuity porn like Infinite Crisis did, all without spinning off 2 years of weekly comics that are basically essential to understanding the constantly rewritten history of your nightmare of a superhero universe on top of that. (BTW, fuck you, DC. Get Jim Lee the fuck off his lazy ass so I can actually read All-Star Batman and The Authority, which even though he doesn't work on, it seems to be delayed so as not to ruin the plot of his retarded X-Men ripoff WildCATS. Also, fuck Hal Jordan.) Civil War was the Summer event that continued into the Spring of next year with the justification that you wouldn't want to read Watchmen if it had fill-in artists. (Yes, the comic where Mr. Fantastic makes a robot clone of Thor was compared to Watchmen.) It's $21 I could have spent on beer or a shirt or maybe even given to charity, but I spent it on Civil War.
And in the end, I can't really think of a better way I could have spent that $21 at the time. In the end, I'll keep reading comics, and I'll keep wasting my time insulting people who complain about comics. (And insulting the DC universe. God, who gives a shit about the JSA or the Rann-Thanagar war or the countless shitty Batman sidekicks?)
I guess what I'm saying here is that Hal Jordan is a retarded queer and you would make a shitty Editor in Chief for Marvel Comics.
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February 15th, 2007
01:48 am
Listen.
Love means nothing at all.
Life means nothing at all.
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February 6th, 2007
05:42 pm
In retrospect, that bum pulling his dick out in front of me on the PATH train last night pretty much ruined the entire day for me.
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February 5th, 2007
January 26th, 2007
11:08 pm
You know, between the cancellations of The Boys and Nextwave, the 2 flagship titles of the Wildstorm relaunch being on either a bimonthly schedule (The Authority) or a maybe once a year or whenever Jim Lee can get off his ass and actually be bothered to draw schedule (WildCATS), Civil War showing that Mark Millar has no idea how to resolve a series in a satisfactory manner, the sure to be god-awful third Spider-Man movie, and the fact that Marvel event they expect us to get excited about this year is fucking World War Hulk, the outlook is shaping up for 2007 to be kind of a shitty year in comics.
About the only bright side I'm seeing this year is Mike Carey's X-Men summer 2007 crossover event he's been talking about for the past few months, the removal of Joss Whedon from Astonishing X-Men, and the fact that Garth Ennis hopefully has a fucking amazing issue #50 planned for Punisher MAX. (Although honestly, I don't know if he'll ever top The Slavers.)
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January 16th, 2007
03:35 am - I AM A MASTER OF HORROR
CuddlyPyramidHed: so i watched John Carpenter's episode for the second season of Masters of Horror
Terran49: How is it?
CuddlyPyramidHed: it's probably one of the dumbest, most vile things I've ever seen in my life
( Read more... )
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December 29th, 2006
05:01 pm - It's that time again!
Yes, that's right, time for the best and worst movies of the year! Let's start off with the top 10 best movies I saw this year:
1. Children of Men - Everything about this movie is truly awe-inspiring. From Cuaron's flawless eye for composition to Clive Owen's brilliantly realized performance to the terrifyingly plausible world envisioned by the screenplay, there is no weak link in this film. It's beautiful, emotionally gripping, intense, heartbreaking, and ultimately unforgettable. Recommended without reservation.
2. The Proposition - Nick Cave's violent and uncompromisingly dark screenplay yields the best western since Peckinpah's work on The Wild Bunch. The melding of the gorgeous cinematography, shocking brutality, and the haunting score by Cave and Warren Ellis elevate it far above any of its contemporaries in a genre still largely content to live in the shadow of Ford, Hawks and Wayne with no aspirations beyond the thematic confines they established. Guy Pearce and Ray Winstone turn in amazing, conflicted performances as men carried away by circumstances around them, but the real star of the show is Danny Huston, a compellingly demonic presence as Arthur Burns and one of the most unforgettable "villains" of the year.
3. The Departed - While not as truly brilliant as Scorcese at the top of his game, this is easily his best movie in at least a decade, and probably the most purely entertaining film he has ever made. Another piece of unimpeachable craftsmanship in terms of editing, sound design and music, with a blackly comic script that manages to maintain its power to keep you on your toes even when you know what's coming. Nicholson is better than he's been in years, and DiCaprio is better than he's been, well, ever, but the real star of the show is Mark Wahlberg, who steals every scene he's in.
4. A Scanner Darkly - The film I've been waiting for since I first saw Waking Life and wished that the technology would be put to use on a more traditional narrative film. Linklater turns in a meditation on identity, government surveillance and drug culture with a script that plays to the strengths of each member of his cast, from Reeve's detached existential dread to Robert Downey Jr.'s manic paranoia and duplicitousness. The best Dick adaptation since Blade Runner.
5. The Fountain - Love it or hate it, Darren Aronofsky's intensely personal and painfully beautiful meditation on love, mortality and acceptance is like no other film you have ever seen.
6. Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan - Sacha Baron Cohen and Larry Charles turn in the most gloriously obscene movie of the year, and a welcome skewering of the darker side of America mistakenly celebrated by conservatives as "The Salt of the Earth." And, all politics aside, the infamous hotel scene is perhaps the most gleefully perverse fight ever committed to film.
7. The Descent - There is perhaps no other genre where the highs are higher and the lows are lower than horror, which is why I'm so happy when a truly great horror film comes along. The Descent is one of those films. One of the most ferociously tense horror experiences since the original Alien, this film will have you on the edge of your seat from the moment they enter the cave to the last frame. Attractive women, nail-biting tension, hideous monsters, and buckets upon buckets of gore: This is every horror stereotype done brilliantly right.
8. Tideland - bound to be Terry Gilliam's most controversial film, this movie is bleak, squirm-inducing and wholly uncompromising in pushing itself to be one of the filthiest, most nightmarishly depraved theatrical experiences of the year, buoyed by Jodelle Ferland's amazing performance and Gilliam's relentless optimism in the face of a freakish world that only gets worse. Not for everyone, but an unforgettable experience for those who do get it.
9. Casino Royale - Daniel Craig embarks upon a radical reinvention of the character of James Bond in what has the potential to be the best incarnation of the character yet. No longer operating in the shadow of Connery, Craig brings a version of Bond to the screen that is lean, borderline sociopathic, suave, but most importantly, human. This film would've been higher on the list had it not been for the somewhat disappointing third act and the potential that they'll just fuck it up all over again with the sequels anyway.
10. A Prairie Home Companion - There were a lot of films I had to choose between for this spot, but in light of his recent death, Robert Altman's swan song seemed the most deserving of a place on this list. As a long-time listener to Garrison Keillor's famous radio show, this film effortlessly melded the charm of the show with an all-star cast and even managed to make Lindsay Lohan into a character interesting enough to watch for 2 hours. Sweet, poetic, and a fitting end to brilliant man's career.
Honorable Mentions: Chief competition for the #10 spot was split between Volver and Miami Vice, both of which were immensely entertaining movies, but ultimately neither of which lived up to the films that preceded them (Bad Education from Almodovar and Collateral from Mann). Inside Man would have made it onto the list had Spike Lee resisted his urge to throw in a heavy-handed miniature racial tirade ("Sikhs and A-Rabs, I CAN'T TELL THEM APART!") as well as the terrible scenes between Denzel Washington's character and his fiancee. Similarly, Had Borat not come out, Jackass Number Two would have taken its spot as the most gleefully obscene, laugh-until-it-hurts comedy of the year. Finally, Pan's Labyrinth gets an honorable mention because I'm sure as soon as I see it, I'll displace one other movie from the top 10 list to make room for it.
WORST OF THE YEAR:
1. V for Vendetta - Holy shit did this suck on every conceivable level. Insultingly stupid, politically clueless, and poorly reimagined from a Thatcher-era parable into a BUSH DID 9/11 NO BLOOD FOR OIL screed, this film made me embarassed both as a liberal and as a comic book reader. To those who insist this was a good adaptation: When Alan Moore says the movie missed the point, the movie missed the fucking point.
2. The DaVinci Code - Technically, this was the worst movie I saw all year, but its source material was a piece of of shit to begin with, whereas V for Vendetta was at least based on something good initially. Anyway, 2 and a half hours of Tom Hanks talking about the the Templar Knights, Leonardo Da Vinci, Jesus, Symbols, and how the Holy Grail is actually a metaphor for a woman's vagina or some retarded shit like that while Alfred Molina and Paul Bettany embarrass themselves as terrible villains, all while Ron Howard forgets that the whole point of a good movie is to show, not tell. This is a bloated self-important piece of shit that should've bombed utterly.
3. Pirates of the Carribean: Dead Man's Chest - Speaking of "should've bombed utterly," how about this bloated shitty sequel to one of the most entertaining popcorn movies in recent memory? Boring, overlong, convinced in the genius of its uninspired mythology, and worst of all, filled with boring, poorly choreographed swordfights, which is supposed to be the best thing about a fucking swashbuckling movie to start with. This isn't even a complete story, it just abruptly ends at the halfway point of what was obviously written as a 5-hour script to start with. Watch, next summer the third movie will come out and prove that both of these things could have been done in 3 hours combined.
4. X-Men: The Last Stand - When "I'M THE JUGGERNAUT, BITCH!" is the best line in your movie, you know you've got some big fucking problems. At least they had the courtesy to keep this under 2 hours. Crap, crap, crap crap CRAP.
5. Sin City - This movie is so fucking awful it transcends time and space to be one of the worst movies of any year ever.
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